What is a man to do?

What is a man to do?
What is a man to do, when he has pushed his body through pain all day, when he has wore out every last breath of independent thought.  

What is a man to do when his body has slowly filled with bacteria and infection, he no longer has control of his temperature.

What is a man to do when every muscle aches because of said bacteria or over exertion or because he is always physically and mentally carrying too much weight!

What is a man to do when he finishes a 13 hour day that ends in a three and a half hour board meeting, stops to fill a tire with air and barely carries his aching frame through the door!

What is a man to do when after all this pain and exertion and attempts and holding his head high, after all this, he receives a care package in the mail box with the most eloquent words of love his tired eyes have ever encountered.  Words he could never have thought of to describe the feeling in his heart!

What is a man to do when he has strict orders to gargle and make tea and her the voice of the only person he wants to here.

what is a man to do?

what is a man to do?

But one thing, he must summon any and all energy left inside to love more then he has loved before.  To mold that mush his heart has turned into to try to make some semblance of that fist it is supposed to resemble.  Carry his head higher knowing that whatever fucked up ideals he has labeled or thought in his 29 years on this world of love, all have potential of coming true.

This is what a man is to do!

This is what a man is to write!

This is how a man loves and loves well!

Its not a competition or a game of one upping any one, it is about respect, its about support, its imagining you have nothing and the one thing that would keep you heart lit!  and know it and loving it!

And now his body gives in to the pain of today with the passion and love and optimism of what tomorrow brings knowing its full of any of the cheesy lines i should input now but won't!

sweet dreams

a week away from work

This week i have been off work, for two reasons.  One because i have not had a holiday in almost a year and a half.  Second so i could go to Jazz fest shows every night!  It has been really nice to not have to think about work, being able to leave the stress of the last 6 months of craziness behind for a week of quiet slow sleepy mornings most of which spent outside taking in the sun while reading the globe and free press enjoy large breakfasts and spending time with my special lady.

It is really fortunate I could take this time, i realized i don't relax enough, even in my leisure time it seems to be all go at times. I know it is so over said that taking the time to relax to stop and smell the flowers is important, its just so hard to prioritize that as the number one thing.

Besides the great shows i have seen this week I have had the time to read and take in what is happening in the world, which is nice, and depressing all on one breath.

some shots from this week

Pete Rock

breakfast thee kinds of vegan breakfast "meats"

Blurry Babes

Jackson in blankets!

How I Spent The Rapture

It was the evening of May 21, 2011. I was parked up for the night at the Squaw Creek Travel Plaza in the small town of Mound City in northwestern Missouri. As I was choking down one of the worst plates of french fries I've ever had in my life, the weather outside was growing more and more violent. The sky was filled with grimy, evil clouds vomiting furious torrents of water. Cartoon lightning shot about wildly. The wind tossed garbage and branches through the parking lot. Trees swayed drunkenly at wild angles. A small crowd had gathered inside and they were irritating me with expert precision. It had been a long day and I was ready to give up on the fries and go read a book in my truck when I heard one of the waitresses say that there was a tornado warning for the county we were in. They had turned on the weather report on the radio, so I figured it might not hurt to pick at my food a little longer and see what they had to say. Sure enough, they announced that a tornado had indeed touched down by a trailer park that was only about fifteen miles away. At that moment, I looked at the ridiculous cast of characters that surrounded me and realized that I was smack dab in the middle of the first scene of some shitty Michael Bay disaster movie. These weren't people. They were broad caricatures. It was absurd. I took comfort in the fact that I was clearly the heroic but flawed everyman, who was, no doubt, going to learn some valuable lesson before this whole fiasco was through. I decided to take stock of this band of misfits and see who was going to be of any value when the shit went down.

Pre-teen brother and sister in soccer uniforms – I won't dismiss these two. The kids will probably create a few unnecessary risks throughout the ordeal due to carelessness/panic/curiosity but might end up having some surprising value in the end. The boy doesn't seem super comfortable in the soccer getup. I suspect he may be some sort of computer wizard. I will make an effort to protect them.

Hispanic father with young daughter – I have overheard that they are making their way back to Chino, California after visiting his father and new step-mom. I know from watching The O.C. that Chino is a rough hood. He seems to be a good dad, trying to make a difficult situation work. A heart of gold. He has third act tragedy written all over him. We will probably bond at some point.

Corn-rowed, G-Unit wearing, African-American gentleman – He's hooked to his iPhone, pacing nervously. Definitely panicky and unreliable. I know how these movies work. He will be one of the first to go.

Overweight, irritable truck driver – Loves to complain. Brings nothing to the table. Another early death.

Soccer mom – She has sass. Though definitely frightened, I think she will be a trooper. She'll go to any length to protect her kids. Will probably be seen as comic relief, but, in truth, she's fucking annoying.

Grizzled, stoic cook – Periodically steps out of the kitchen and directs his steely glare out the window. He's probably “badass”. Bound to be a crowd favourite. I suspect a military past of some sort. I will listen to this guy's opinion, but will remain cautious. He may be “fist fight a tornado” crazy.

Table of elderly people – Doomed

Two young waitresses – Not sure how they got through casting. Perhaps they're stand-ins. They will probably be presented as “rad chicks” in the most objectifying way possible. Maybe one of them will end up developing a tragic relationship with the single dad.

Just like one of those terrible movies, this crowd grew unbearable right quick. After about half an hour the rain was looking a little bit lighter and a spot of sunlight seemed to be poking through. I decided I would try my luck with the tornado. I put my hood up and my head down and ran out to the truck. I turned on the radio. The tornado seemed to be moving away from the town. I hopped in the back and did some crossword puzzles. No heroism, no lessons learned and I couldn't be happier.