17.2.11

Nostalgia: A poem and some rationalization

the endearing design
of some small scene
unwinds
like a mixtape
in ribbons
of dissonant whines, and
after the hiss ends
in the ashes of incense
where weakness
rode pretense
through habitual weekends
of hormonal pageantry
parts portrayed passably
kinship and missteps
both real
and imagined
the ant-farm is shaken
and memory's mistaken
for past
and for permanence
over coffee and bacon
now you pray
for the echo
of those dizzying tempos
though they warped and
distorted and
skipped
from the get-go
but the notes left behind
in this space
redefined
form a pattern
uncommon, but
rarely unkind

There is an element of nostalgia that accompanies starting this blog; both as a reminder of the days when Jamil and I got together to hash out our old zine, and also in the way it documents our current times for a future, and almost immediate nostalgia. The constant presence of nostalgia in almost all aspects of the modern world seems to be one of the defining features of our times. From the fetishizing of all things “retro” to the collecting of photographs and videos, like canned goods, for some nuclear fallout of our minds. The jump-cut narratives of our memories come pre-edited via Facebook and Flickr pages, and blogs just like this. Nostalgia becomes so immediate that it often gets confused with experience. As the character, Max, says in Noah Baumbach's Kicking and Screaming, “I'm nostalgic for conversations I had yesterday. I've begun reminiscing events before they even occur. I'm reminiscing this right now. I can't go to the bar because I've already looked back on it in my memory... and I didn't have a good time.”

So is all this nostalgia just arrested development, idle masturbation, or even a tool to maintain a certain hierarchy of power? Maybe it's a bit of all these things, but I like to think that nostalgia can have its benefits. In the weeks to come, I'm confident that I'll end up waxing on sentimentally about my recollection of certain events, such as the aforementioned birth of Vent's first incarnation. Now, I say “my recollection” because there is a constructed element to almost any memory, and my memory could vary greatly from that of someone else involved in the same event. Memories often feel like a movie, half-watched from another room while cooking dinner. It's this element of memory, the narrative aspect, that reminds me of something I heard Bobcat Goldthwait say, and I paraphrase, that “we become better people by living up to the lies we tell the world about ourselves”. It's a dangerous philosophy for sure, like most soundbites are if adhered to too strictly, but I think it has some truth to it and can also be applied to lies we tell ourselves about ourselves. We feel nostalgia for moments, but in many ways we feel it more for the stories we have told and retold ourselves and others about those moments. Sometimes we're pacified by these tales of past glory or sometimes we're overwhelmed and discouraged. For the sake of this blog, however, I hope to use my nostalgia as a catalyst for growth and action, and maybe, from time to time, a bit of idle masturbation won't hurt.


16.2.11

The space we inhabit!

be conscious of the space you inhabit

I find myself thinking this all the time, its not some hippy flighty thought about my place in the universe, nor is it the whole view of life through the hierarchical lines or cast systems we weave our way through each day.  Its a way to try to keep myself grounded and focused on what i do, and it is also the only saving grace that stops me from working 24 hours a day.  It also really informs the way i interact with people each day, especially in my capacity as someone who manages others jobs, and staff who are dealing with constant crisis.

be conscious of the words you say

I have taken crisis intervention training, and trauma informed counselling training etc.  and i know how important it is to make people dealing with trauma's issue the most important thing to settle and deal with a crisis, but once the crisis is past it is important to return and be conscious of the space you inhabit.

be conscious of the your issues in relations to others issues

I used to think it was an issue of people being selfish, but the more and more i think about it, it is more they are less aware of people and the place they are.  Some issues are very important yes, and to people their issues are often most important, but it does get my ire when people try to make it mine or everyone's number one priority issue.  It may be the most important to you, but before you take it to someone else remember to be conscious of the space you inhabit and what that means in terms of the effects of sharing your concern, or how you share your concern.

be conscious of your subconscious

The effect our inner thoughts have on us is something we often forget, i know i do, and as i get older, i realize more and more how that manifests itself.  The is something to be said for all the studies of mindfulness, and the benefits and becoming self aware, it makes us such stronger people.  The strength and confidence of knowing where you are and how that compares to those around you is immense and often determines that end result. so be conscious of the space you inhabit